Here is an interesting debate between National secuirty experts in the National Journal online, over whether or not Israel poses a startegic liability to the US in terms of global policy. For me it's interesting because middle-easterners always claim that the reason why they dislike the US foriegn policy is that it's Pro-Israel, which I am not so sure that it's even true, because a lot of the world hates america and they are neither arab nor muslim. So yeah, Israel as root-cause theory, doesn't really hold sway. But, to be fair, a lot of anti-americanism is generated and justified through America's implicit and unequivocal support to Israel, and to ignore that would be intellectually dishonest. Now, while I always regarded arab complaints regarding the close US ties with Israel as nothing more than whining, since they never really offerd themselves as an alternative US ally on the same level of Israel's and their almost 100% all the time backing of the US, the question that gets offerd here is this: Just because someone supports you verbally all the time, does that mean you always have to protect them, no matter how much trouble they get you in? In other words, using a really cold cost-benefit-analysis approach, are the benefits of the US-Israel alliance worth the drawbacks?

Well, 10 people weighed in, and many of them did a whole "the cultural, political and spirtual ties" argument to justify supporting the alliance, but the only real cold analysis of the alliance came, interestingly enough, from two voices who thought such an alliance is not worth its trouble. First there is Michael Sheuer:

Israel is not only an unnecessary and self-made liability for the United States, it is an untreated and spreading cancer on our domestic politics, foreign policy, and national security.  America has no genuine national security interests at stake in either Israel or Palestine; if they both disappeared tomorrow the welfare of Americans and the security of their country would not be impacted a lick. The Arab-Israeli religious war is a war that properly belongs solely to Israelis and Arabs; let them fight each other to the death with no interference in favor of either side from the United States. The continued, automatic, and idiotic identification of U.S. national interests as identical with Israel's made by our bipartisan political elite, the media, and those U.S. citizens who prefer Israeli to American security is only earning Americans deeper hatred and more wars with Muslims. There is no question that Israel has every right in the world to militarily defend itself to whatever extent it deems necessary, but neither Israel, the United States, nor any other nation has a "right" to exist. Nation-states survive if they can vanquish their enemies. The democratically elected Israeli govermment is right to try to vanquish Hamas; and the democratically elected Hamas regime has every right to try do the same to Israel. The point to keep squarely in view is that it does not matter to America's security who emerges the winner. 

And the other opinion comes from the previous principal officer in the US military intelligence relationship with Israel, and he had this to say:

It is not possible to "set aside the emotional and religious anchors of the US-Israel alliance." Those are the principal bases of the alliance. Israel’s welfare is a self assigned interest of the United States. That does not make that interest less real, but it renders the interest a "duty" of a spiritual and moral nature rather than the kind of thing that a British PM meant in the 19th century when he supposedly said that "countries do not have friends or enemies. They have interests." That kind of interest confers an advantage militarily, economically, geographically or in some other material way. The US interest in Israel’s welfare does none of those things and it costs a lot of money. The Israelis have been careful to separate "things" into neat groupings. They have operated on the basis that their things are their things and US things are their things. I was the principal officer in the US military intelligence relationship with Israel for many years. That was how the relationship worked. It was not a truly two-sided arrangement. The products of Israeli intelligence are sometimes valuable but often do not reach the standard of the legend concerning them. The reverse is not true. US military operations have not been benefited by the relationship with Israel. Israel does not want to be a military client of the United States. Our operations in Iraq and Afghanistan have not been based in or logistically supported from Israel. Israel has never functioned as an "unsinkable aircraft carrier" for the United States and it does not wish to do so. Aside from providing useful liberty ports for the Sixth Fleet’s sailors and marines, and an occasional venue for small military maneuvers, it is hard to see what Israel does for the US in the military field that is worth the trouble that the relationship causes diplomatically with the surrounding states. Israel does not contribute to the well being of the US economy. In fact, in many high tech fields Israeli companies are competitors of American companies. I will not dwell excessively on the USS Liberty and Pollard incidents. Those events speak for themselves and most Americans have long ago forgiven the offenses and chosen to forget.

No, in the end, the US/Israel alliance is an affair of the heart. Such affairs are not to be analyzed too closely on the basis of mere material interests.

What do you think?

I find this rather interesting, if not slightly disturbing:

Upon reading this morning news of US army engineers securing Egypt side of border against tunnels I went to Rafah city to check border. Security was relaxed compared to past days though the city was still a ghost one.

At Rafah crossing, a high level security officer told me American army engineers were here 7 months ago testing tunnel detection technology they developed to catch Mexicans, and they’ll be back by May 09.

Can you imagine the DOD trying to sell the american public, or whomever other buyer they might sell this to, on this technology? "Oh, but it's very effective. It's palestinian tested!"

Satisfaction Guranteed…or something!

Sully provided us with this quote yesterday:

"All nationalists have the power of not seeing resemblances between similar sets of facts.
A British Tory will defend self-determination in Europe and oppose it in India with no feeling of inconsistency. Actions are held to be good or bad, not on their own merits, but according to who does them, and there is almost no kind of outrage — torture, the use of hostages, forced labour, mass deportations, imprisonment without trial, forgery, assassination, the bombing of civilians — which does not change its moral colour when it is committed by 'our' side … The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by his own side, but he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them" — George Orwell

He says that the person who originally posted it wanted to make a statement on Ghaza, but that he feels it applies to The US of the Bush adminstration. I am not going to debate either statements, and you are welcome to do si if you will. I am just amazed that someone as smart as those two men haven't figured out the golden rule of humanity yet. And if you didn't either, allow  me to let you in on the secret:

We, all of us, are simply making it up as we go. We always have, and we always will. There are no real rules, fixed or elastic.

That is all!

Permenant Press is the most mysterious of all wash-cycles!

Not only did he orchestrate the perfect publicity stunt, he used it to get paid for 240,000 dollars, and is now laughing all the way to the bank. I almost feel like applauding him for a scam well done. Almost!

Iran won't let Hezbollah attack Israel in defense of Ghaza like last time, even though this time it's much much worse. Why? Probably because they can't afford another war and rebuilding effort with the plummeting Gas Prices. Maybe that should be the new slogan for Peace? "Peace: cause fighting you is just too damn expensive!" 

Many bloggers and arab propaganda news channels are asking the same question: "Why won't Egypt get involved in this war/ holocaust/humanatarian crisis?" Now, if you are sick of hearing this really annoying question ( I love how they ask you this as if you run the fuckin egyptian military or foreign policy), but you don't know how to respond to it, don't fret. As a public service, I have compiled a list of acceptable answers to be given to those obnoxious annoying self-righteous condescending people, you know, to ease their collective minds from this apparently very bothersome question. Here they are: 

"No problem, let me just get the "stop the middle-east conflict" remote control and I will… Oh, wait. Where did it go? Must've left it in my other Jacket!" 

"Cause we are tired of outshining everybody else when it comes to this issue. We want to give someone else a crack at this. Spread the credit around, you know?"

"Cause our Mamma told us that minding one's own business is the mark of a mature human being. You calling our Mamma a Liar?"

"Cause we are Evil. We really are. You wanna whine some more about it? You wanna start wailing as well? Maybe burn an egyptian flag or two while you are at it?"

"Hey man, just because you are hung like a Bull, doesn't mean you have to do porn!"

"Cause only someone really really really stupid would get between two crazy people having a knife-fight to the death. Don't you agree?"

That's all I have for now. No need to thank me. Your Peace of mind, and that look on their faces, is thanks enough!

Because Iran won't send a single ship or platoon to fight Israel over Ghaza, for two reasons:1) Their defeat might shatter the long-held-but-never-proven illusion of Iranian military might and 2) What? Have Persians die for the sake of smelly arabs? Get real. Plus, getting the arabs to do the fighting for them is more their preferred mode of operations, anyway. Egyptians call themselves arab, and are on the border, so- logically- they should be the ones doing the fighting in lieu of their racist persians overlords, no? 

A Parrot and a Donkey are on a plane, sitting in coach. The Parrot buzzes the stewardess, and she comes over. She asks him: "Can I help you with something?", and he replies" Nahhh..I was just fucking around!" and starts laughing. The Donkey thinks that's hilarious and laughs with him.

After a while the Donkey feels like imitating the Parrot's prank, so he buzzes the stewardess. She comes over and asks him: "Can I help you with something?", and the Donkey replies "Nahh..I was just fucking around too!" and starts laughing, and gets joined by the Parrot.

The Stewardess, annoyed at those two imbeciles, goes to the Captain and tells him that she has a parrot and a donkey who keep buzzing her for the hell of it. The captain instructs her to throw them both out of the plane, which with the help of the rest of the in-flight crew, she succeeds in doing.

As they are plummeting towards earth, a terrified Donkey asks the Parrot: "Now what do we do?"

The Parrot calmly responds: "It's no big deal. Now we fly!"

The Donkey replies with frustration: "But I am a donkey, I can't fly!"

To which the Parrot deadpans: "So, if you can't fly, what the hell are you doing fucking around?"

Because the Gulf countries can not afford to pull another Oil embargo at the moment, while paying for russian hookers AND building another Penis-shaped skyscraper (You ever get the feeling that they are trying to compensate for something? But what could it be? What could it possibly be?). Russian hookers are expensive, man!

Because the only people the Syrian military can kill are the lebanese or their own people, and since enither are part of this conflict, their hands are tied. Egypt doesn't suffer from such restrictions, thus can be blamed!

Ahh, at last, the day of my dreams has finally arrived. The day that set my egyptian patriotic heart aflutter with joy. The day when Egypt- under the wise direction and leadership of our dear leader Hosny Mubarak- has finally ascended to its rightful place and joined the ranks of the World's Super Power club is here, and I am happier than Andrew Sullivan with a bag full of dicks. How do I know that we have reached that monumentous plateau amongst the world's elite? Well, ladies and gentlemen, the signs are all around us. We are getting blamed for all the world's ills, just the like the americans, russians and chinese, we are having our business interests portested against, just like the americans and the brits, we are having our Embassies attacked and our Flags burned, just like the americans and the Israelis, and now, today, I am happy to announce that we have cemented our membership in the super powers club by reaching the final landmark: The posters of our President depicted dead, with open calls for his assissantion, in Iran. 

Ohh yes. The Persian plague has decided that they can not tolerate Egypt's place as the leading regional power any longer, claiming that we are always outshining them and making them look fat, and have set their eyes on taking out the man responsible for our exemplery progress and power: El Presidente Mubarak. Today, in Iran, Forooz Rejaii, the secretary general of the organization titled "Rewarding The Martyrs of the World of Islam" has announced a bounty of one million dollars to whomever assassinates Hosny Mubarak for being just too cool and awesome for them to bear, and also for the whole closing the Rafah crossing thing. And if that is not proof enough for you, checking the picture below out of another protest that took place in Indonesia yesterday should be:

Our very own Mubarak mask. Right next to Olmert and Barak Obama's. HELL YEAH! That's how prominent we have become. We have masks of our leaders made and worn by smelly inhabitants of third world countries. Die from envy, jealous Bitches of the world. Egypt has arrived.

However, we need to be careful, because anyone can become a hated worldly Super Power once, and get its busniesses protested against, embassies stormed and flags burned. Just ask Denmark. They used to matter back in 2006, and now, nobody even rememebrs to hate them anymore. No, we can't be a One-Hate wonder. We can't allow that to happen to us, espeically after we waited so long for it. So, I propose that we start threathening the world to never open the Rafah crossing ever again, and start blackmailing them to do so, and see what we can get out of them for it. That crossing now is a startegic advantage, just the like hormuz crossing is to the jealous fat hairy Iranians, and we should totally capitalize on it to maintain our strategic importance. Let the Haters eat their hearts out.

Drima thinks he found the solution to the current crisis, which is to give Ghaza to Egypt, West Bank to Jordan, and call it a day. I am sad to say that Drima is more confused than a blind man in an orgy if he thinks such a solution should even be put on the table. And here is why:

1) It's not anybody's to give anyway!

2)Sure, it used to be our protectorate, until the Israelis took it over in 1967, a nice place where lefty seculars live. Now, they want to return it to us, with islamist militants running the show? Oh, thank you. Do you wanna give us blankets with chickenpox in them as well?

3) If we did end up taking over Ghaza, we will have to clean it from Hamas's presence and disarm the population, which means that we will kill and or arrest at elast about 30,000 people , just in the initial sweep, and we really don;t want palestinian blood on our hands, or like anywhere near us to begin with. So, again, pass.

4) Do you really want the palestinians to enjoy the same "rights and freedoms" that Egyptians have under the blessed Mubarak regime? Really?

Now, while it is a nice way for the Israelis to wash their hands from the mess they created (I am totally awaiting those comments where you tell me that " they are egypt's responsibility". Hey, do they have prozac on your planet? Get some! You need it!), I have to say that I am not fully- or like, at all- on board. Let's face it, Egypt has always been everybody's surrogate Homeland, the place everyone can go to and make their temporary home, as the 4 million sudanese refugees (Hey drima, you wanna take them back?), the 2 million somalian refugees and the half million iraqi refugees we took in the past 5 years will tell you. But that's it. We are a stop on the way at best. We are to a homecountry for others what Tofu is to chicken. We don't give passports and we don't give rights, and honestly, the Ghazan's probably deserve better than this. So, yeah, not big on that idea. God knows that this is partly what is feuling our decision to keep the border clsoed, because we know that at at least 40% of the people living in Ghaza would not want to go back under Hamas's rule if they could, and we fear that they would start refugee camps in Rafah, one that they would refuse to leave. So, yeah, not a good diea Drima. Sorry to disappoint you!

Today is a fantastic day, ladies and gentlemen. Today is the day Israel decided to finally prove that it already forgot everything it had learned from the Lebanon War, and repeat its mistakes, with fantastic percision and exactness I might add. Today, Israel went into Ghaza with ground forces, proving yet once again that the people running the IDF are  still complete and utter morons.

To spare you the news watching for the next couple of days, here is what will happen: For the first week or so, support for the War amongst the Israeli public will remain mostly high, because everyone will tell them that this time is different and that the casuality rate isn't as high this time, with only 15 dead and 80 injured. But with every passing day with news of another soldier dead, and the media doing its duty of giving you the funeral and the pictures of the crying widowed wife or grieving mother or sister, the people's resolve will melt like a a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top of Natalie Portman's hot little body, and the left will start saying that there is no exit strategy and that it's time for this war to end before Israel loses some more.

On the Hamas side, things will be different, because they don't give a flying hoot how many of their own die in exchange of killing one of the Israelis. Not to mention, the dead will give them a chance to engage in their favorite past-time of starting funerals and parading the deadbodies around, a tradition that-if you believe the crap AlJazeera broadcasts and you shouldn't- "strengthens their resolve", whatever that means. But what we do know is that Hamas's definition of victory is not completely getting eradicated, which will be very hard for the Israelis to do, because the Qassam brigade alone is 15 thousand soldiers, who once they get shot magically turn into innocent civilian casualties. And as usual people around the world will run around saying that Israel is conducting another "Holocaust", like they do with every military action Israel intiates. Of course, it will help that the Israelis will eventually bomb a school or a kindergarden or a children's hospital by mistake, and then appear preplexed in front of the world's angry public opinion, excusing their mistake by blaming the evil palestinian's insistence on not writing "This is a school filled with innocent children" on top of the building in Hebrew. And thus the eventual shamefull withdrawel, and thus the eventual Hamas celebration amidst the devestation, followed by a whirlwind of aid in both money and food that Hamas will seize and distribute to its supporters, right in time for the "Presidential elections" in Ghaza, where only Hamas members will run and win, because by then every Fatah supporter will be dead or shot , you know, to stop them from voting against the venerable heroes of the resistance. Oh look, they are already starting. How awesome is that?

Oh boy, this is going to be a fantastic exercise in stupidity. Should be a blast. I am excited. You excited? Sweet. Get your War on!

I know we are not there yet, but Happy New year, people, may the next one not suck as hard as this one did.. Also, this blog is now officially 4 years old (and like 4 days). So yeah, happy blogeversery to the Sandmonkey blog as well. It's been awesome so far.

It came to my attention that the "AlAzhar Scientist front" (3olamaa being the arabic word for scientist, which is funny, because Islam is not really a science, like, you know, biology or physics, but what do I know?) are having a case of serious Penis envy when it comes to the Vatican, espcially when it comes to their whole "We know who goes to Heaven or Hell, because we decide that" thing.  How do I know that? Well, it's the only plausible explanation that I could find for the Fatwa they just issued yesterday, declaring the Egyptian Border officer killed by Hamas as "not a martyr". This of course is shocking people, because let's face it, AlAzhar never met someone who died for any reason and didn't want to call him/her a martyr immedietly (People killed in Ferry boat drownings, People killed by accident on the border before, etc..). So, reading the "Fatwa", it seems that they believe that the officer is not a martyr because he chose to do his job instead of "his islamic duty", which is to come to aid his muslim brothers, by fighting with them or letting them through when they wanted it. Given that he didn't do that, and wanted to protect his country, not only were Hamas's gunmen justified in killing him, he is even considerd a villian in the eyes of AlAzhar, and thus the whole "not-martyr" thing. This is all the more shocking because the islamic historical precedent states- dating all the way from the Gamal battle, mind you- that if political conflict pits muslim against mulsim, whomever dies is instantly a martyr, because they died due to Fitna, and can not be held responsible for it. So, even based on historical religious merit, this Fatwa is utter bullshit, altough even without historical precdent I wouldn't think twice about whiping my ass with it anyway.

So, dear AlAzhar people, newsflash, you are not God, nor does he send you his good boys and bad boys list. So, ehh, shut the fuck up. And those who went AllahuAkbar because of this ruling, this goes double to you. The man's body isn't even cold yet, and you come out saying shit like this, knowing that some people actually take you seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you? Y'all are fucked up.

Oh, wait, they have another Fatwa on the website, stating that whomever insults AlAzhar has also insulted God. Wow, you DO have a Vatican Complex. Well, any god that would feel insulted from anyone insulting your dumb douchebag asses, probably deserves it too. Get bent!

PS: Dear readers, if that last Fatwa is actualy true, don't worry about me. I was definitely going to Hell anyway!

The funeral of the killed assassinated dead egyptian border officer was attended by 30,000 of his countrymen, who according to al masry alyoum, turned the event into an anti-Hamas rally, shouting anti-Hamas slogans, and rightly stating that his blood is on Hamas' hands. Not that Hamas gives a fuck or anything, or any of its apologists either. Even Zeinobia, whom I usualy disagree with on almost everything except her obvious and admireable egyptian patriotism, is unhappy with the turnout, claiming that the government is using his death as anti-Hamas propaganda, while forgetting that -if that's true- it's only possible because Hamas killed the man in cold blood, while he was protecting the country. She raised the point that the egyptian soldiers killed by a mortar accidently shot by the IDF 2 years ago didn't get similar treatment, while forgetting that those ones were killed accidently, while the one who died just a few days ago was shot with the intent to kill, and is only the latest victim of Hamas routinely attacking our border and the people tasked with defending it when they try to do their jobs. Had Israel pulled even half of this shit, I would be the first person calling for some gold old fashioned egyptian-Israeli war, because then they would be clearly our enemies. Whether we like it or not, Hamas is acting like our enemy, and it's time we treat it as one!

The Economist takes on the Net Generation. Moneyshot:

This culture clash has been going on in many organisations and has lately seeped into management books. The Net Geners have grown up with computers; they are brimming with self-confidence; and they have been encouraged to challenge received wisdom, to find their own solutions to problems and to treat work as a route to personal fulfilment rather than merely a way of putting food on the table. Not all of this makes them easy to manage. Bosses complain that after a childhood of being coddled and praised, Net Geners demand far more frequent feedback and an over-precise set of objectives on the path to promotion (rather like the missions that must be completed in a video game).

A set of objectives on the path for promotion. How cool would that be? I want one!

Well, they broke into the British diplomatic compound, protested against egyptian interests and attacked the Saudi Airlines office with Molotov cocktails. For a Police-state, Iran isn't really doing much policing these days, are they?

Christopher Hitchens, there to remind you, that there are good reasons, other than his anti-Gay views, why Obama's choice for Inaguration's pastor is a bad one, such as his relationship with Bisho. The democrats probably won't see a problem with the trip he made or the meeting he had, since they are all about talking to the enemy, but it might eb embaressing that the some of the last foriegn visitors Bisho had, and not many do want to visit him, include George Galloway and David Duke. Good people.